New Delhi:There's a quiet kind of grief that many fathers carry, the sting of walking out the door before the kids wake up or returning home after they've already fallen asleep. It is the pain of missing your child's dance performance, their first steps, or simply being their daily cheerleader. Working fathers rarely get a chance to say it out loud, but the guilt runs deep, followed by a sense of failing at two roles they desperately want to excel in.
For modern fathers, being a father is about more than just making money; it's about caring for, bonding with, and supporting your child. It is easier said than done, though. An exhausting internal conflict frequently results from juggling that desire with demanding jobs, long commutes, and a 24/7 work culture. Because of this, despite their best efforts, many fathers experience a sense of being pulled in two different directions.
The reasons behind working dad guilt
Deeksha Athwani, a psychologist at Fortis Hospital Mulund, claims that modern fathers experience pressure to be successful in their careers and to be totally present at home. They worry about losing ground at work when they prioritize family, and they fear missing milestones when they prioritize work. This cycle leads to stress, irritability, burnout, and a painful sense of not being “enough,” no matter how much they do.
How fathers can deal with this guilt in a healthy way
Rethink involvement; quality, not hours, is what matters.
According to Athwani, "Involvement is a matter of emotional presence, not clocked minutes." Remember that a bedtime routine, morning check-in, or device-free dinner can make all the difference.
Establish limits and safeguard family time
expressing needs at work. Remember to set aside time on the calendar for family dinners or school functions. This will decrease role conflict.
Little customs have a significant impact.
Easy things can make a big difference. A daily 10-minute walk, reading together, packing lunch, or doing one shared hobby helps build attachment.
Release perfectionism
Dads don't have to be superhuman. Athwani emphasizes that putting mental health first is not selfish and that a father who is in control and emotionally available has a far greater influence than one who is always overburdened.
Divide the workload
Open communication with partners and asking for help prevents isolation and normalises the emotional burden fathers carry.
What children really remember
Kids don’t measure love in hours; they remember warmth, patience, laughter, and the feeling of being heard. Even small consistency creates a strong emotional foundation — often more than full days spent together without connection.
Guilt about being a working father is evidence of love, not failure. Fathers not only safeguard their own wellbeing but also create emotionally secure families when they learn to strike a balance between expectations and self-compassion. On a clock, presence is not a number. It’s a feeling we leave behind in the people we love.
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